Bigfoot???

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Harry from Harry and The Hendersons, 1987, Universal Pictures & Amblin Entertainment

 

So maybe I have a “thing” for cryptozoology and folkloric creatures. It appears to me that I’m far from being alone in regards to this matter. Cultures the world over, since humans were capable of such imaginative feats, have shared stories and in some cases “evidence”  for the existence of legendary beasts and beings such as Bigfoot, the Lochness Monster, and in my home state, the Jersey Devil…..

Are they out there? Do the tales contain so much as an inkling of truth? Who the fuck knows really? Planet Earth in this day and age still contains unimaginably wild and remote regions that could conceivably hide and provide habitat for these mythic animals….

At the very least, it’s a shit ton of fun to sit around and let the imagination run wild thinking of where these creatures could reside, what they look like, and what a potential discovery of such magnitude would mean in the scientific community. And for the fate of  the animal for that matter. The possibility of such a thing makes my hairs stand up in fascination and excitement…..

Bigfoot is REAL! OK! I said it! No really, he is. And I haven’t consumed any magical substances so don’t you dare make any accusations. Do I have any compelling evidence you ask? Hmmmm. No. But, I’ve had the privilege of traveling to some pretty remote and rugged places and I can’t help but think that somewhere within these expansive locations there exists a pack of Bigfeet. Or would that be a tribe? Places like the Adirondack Park here on the east coast or better yet, the endless wilderness areas of the Cascade Mountains in Washington State or the Sierra Nevada of California instantly come to mind. I’ve hiked and adventured in the above mountain ranges and I’m startled by the amount of tree cover and infinite nooks and crannies that could afford habitat to these creatures of mythic origins.

The glorious old growth forests of the Pacific Northwestern United States, Canada, and Alaska, appear as if they were tailor-made for elusive families of Bigfeet to co-exist in peace. If they’re not there, than hell, maybe other believers and I are truly out of our noggins……

So here’s how it’s going to go down when I meet up with Bigfoot on my next hike. It may happen in the High Peaks region of the Adirondack Park here in New York but, my heart tells me more likely than not, the encounter will unfold in the temperate rainforests of Washington.

Ready? As I rise up to a standing position after drinking from a stream, there he is. No more than five feet away, we engage in an inquisitive stare down of sorts. My heart is racing like a thoroughbred horse but at the same time, I’m completely mind fucked. Bigfoot slowly turns around and gently gestures to me to climb up on his shoulders. I manage to produce the courage to follow suit and up I go. Holding on firmly to my legs, my arms loosely draped around his neck for support, we take off into the densest stand of Cedar and Fir. Bigfoot’s scent is a cross between skunk and tree bark and I can hear his deep and powerful breaths with every step he takes…..

It’s amazing how little noise we make while advancing through the forest. Bigfoot is as stealthy a creature as any and I find myself reeling in an epic state of disbelief and euphoria. We arrive at what appears to be a camp or settlement. I dismount him and we stare at each other once more. All of a sudden I feel a slight tug on my shorts. I turn slowly and what I see next catapults me into an overwhelming feeling of shock and awe. It’s a littlefoot! A female little foot and she’s as cute as can be. I crouch to meet her face to face and our eyes lock. She reaches out, caressing my nose, ears, and cheeks in a curious but affectionate manner. We’re both equally blown away by each other’s presence. I can sense it. The feeling is palpable………

And then I wake up and leave the story of my future encounter unfinished. Hahahahahahahaha! Besides, you wouldn’t believe me anyway. Right?

All jokes aside, Bigfoot may just be the stuff of lore. But the child within me, the one in love with dungeons, dragons, fairies, trolls, and talking trees, yearns for the existence of such magical entities. In a world in which humanity seems bent on exterminating itself, a trippy encounter with an apelike creature of the woods brings a smile to my face and warmth to my heart…….

If you’re out there big homie, I come in peace……… I come in peace………..

 

 

 

 

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