Its been a while but I figured I’d give you ladies and gentleman a little break from my daily musings…..
I would like to report that sleep and I are starting to consistently get along! Esooooooo! I chalk it up to making sure that I hit the bed when I’m sufficiently tired and no earlier. No exceptions!!! And my wake time is set and remains, for now, at 9 a.m. Again, without exceptions. I find myself tossing and turning less and rising from my bed relatively refreshed the next day. It’s tough though man. I’m so habituated to conducting all of my affairs in my bedroom, specifically, in bed, that there are moments when I find my self craving a visit……
My energy level towards the end of this week plummeted. Between the weather and the “surrender” I mentioned in my last post, I just found my self in a deficit as far as motivation and drive were concerned. I binge watched the shit out of the HBO series Entourage while managing to hit the gym and continuing my Yoga practice in between. What a soul suck streaming can be! Compelling you to waste another half an hour gobbling content mindlessly. But there’s always a silver lining to such wasted time. Almost always….
Entourage has restored a sense of immediacy in regards to putting my creative energies into motion. I found myself in an exhilarated state as I contemplated the potential of being able to say FUCK YOU to traditional, all too common forms of work. Exchanging them instead for something that makes use of this hyper active, ruminating mind of mine. Some vocation that I can genuinely throw my talents and time into without the fear of becoming just another automaton/zombie hybrid. This kind of shit keeps me up at night and becomes great fuel for my insomnia. The fear of time utterly wasted on meaningless pursuits/employment….
I’m not saying that well done headshots, a few acting classes, and auditions are in my future. I mean, am I ready to revisit that phase of my life? Casting one’s dignity into the pool of aspirants that exists across the river in NYC? Maybeeeeeeee. But what I’m getting at is that I feel the surge of artistic flood water flowing over me. The intense desire to write, to construct authentic prose, to dance, to design, to collaborate, to manifest. That’s it dammit!!! Sometimes it becomes a maddening impulse. This blog itself being an outlet, a channel for the above mentioned feelings…..
Another week is upon us. Sleep is going well for a change, a fitness routine has been reinstated, and an Asana practice, Yoga, is starting to become a daily experience. What new elements will be added? Well, to be brutally honest, I need a brand new FUCKEN JOB. Something transitional, for the meantime so to speak, in addition to LYFT. I’m also eagerly awaiting the return of my cousin from Mexico who is my co-collaborator in a clothing brand we intend on launching very soon this year. So keep your eyes open for any updates and wish us luck!
Sadness still exists, persistently hanging out in a general capacity. But as the days pass, the intention becomes stronger and the original goal of transcending it solidifies itself more and more……
I’m out of here people. Have a wonderful day, I hope you enjoyed your weekend, and continue the good fight with me, keeping that middle finger up, nice and high in the face of depression and anxiety…….
Peace & Love